Top Ten Trader Joe's Products!

Although my tummy has given me considerable trouble the last few months both before and after the emergency appendectomy, I can still find things to eat at Trader Joes. The other evening it dawned on me that I could barely survive without a Trader Joes nearby. For one thing, it is much smaller than the Safeways and Albertsons of the world and therefore more manageable and less of an energy drain to shop there. Our local Trader Joes also has benches in the store even though it is small. Much appreciated during all those potsy shopping trips.

If I go at night the lines are typically short and the aisles uncrowded so I can read labels if need be. I also like Trader Joes because their products are typically less processed and contain more natural ingredients with names I can actually pronounce. They also have a nice selection of organic products at competitive prices. It is a great place to shop if you have issues with food allergies or intolerances. I am allergic to sulphur dioxide, often used to preserve dried fruits with. Trader Joe's products are clearly marked with the allergens so I don't have to hunt through the whole ingredient list to figure out if I may be allergic to something or not.

Here's a list of my favorite Trader Joes products, in no particular order. If you try a product you don't like from Trader Joes, they will gladly take it back, no questions asked. So your purchases are essentially risk free. A nice way to try new things without having to worry about wasting money on something you may not like. That said, you wont need to return any of the items on my list! I recommend the following without reservation:

All I Can Do is Cry

Lately I have been at a loss for words. This past week has been better health wise but more emotionally draining than I could have ever imagined. Last SuperBowl Sunday started out with some bad news: my great aunt passed away at the age of 89. She lived a long and happy life and up until the last years her wits were all in tact. Her name was Betty but as kids we fondly referred to her as Betty Boop and she proudly embraced the nickname. Although her passing did not come as a huge shock, it still filled me with a stinging sadness. My mom and I managed to go out shopping for a little bit in her honor. Betty was a shopaholic and a half. I knew she wouldn't want everyone to be moping around upon the news of her death so I figured it would be best to get out of the house for a bit and try to remember the good times.

When we returned home a few hours later, I checked my email and my Facebook account and clicked on a link to a breaking news story that left me screaming in horror. A local murder suspect whose wife has been a missing person for months blew up himself and his two young sons that Sunday afternoon. I remember feeling the same way I felt on 9/11: for a split second thinking it was an accident but then all too soon realizing that it wasn't. This disturbed man had deliberately murdered his own sweet and innocent children. This story hit particularly close to home because I am friends with a family friend of theirs and have been rooting for those two little boys ever since their mother's disappearance two years ago. It was a shocking, heartbreaking day. Our whole community is still grieving the loss of these two little boys and will be for quite some time to come.

Maybe it was all the emotional stress, the fact that I can never seem to shut my brain off after traumatic events, or the fact that I don't seem to sleep much during stressful times, but my emotions seemed to manifest themselves physically this week. I passed out in the shower for the first time. I don't normally pass out. I can usually tell when I'm getting close and sit or lay my butt down before it happens. I felt very lightheaded and disoriented in the shower and attempted to get out but then found myself waking up on the shower floor with the warm water running over me. I also managed to break my plastic shower chair in two on the way down so I imagine I didn't fall too gracefully. I have been a bit sore ever since and I assume it also had something to do with the heat of the shower.

I did not go to the doctor immediately afterwards but I did schedule an appointment with my electrophysiologist (the soonest I could get in is March 1st) to report my passing out to him and to obtain the results of a yearly echocardiogram that I am going in for later this week. My last echo was done in 2008 and the geneticist who diagnosed my EDS recommended that all EDS patients go in for an echocardiogram at least every other year as a preventative measure to detect any structural cardiac abnormalities.

Tomorrow I have an interview with an SSI representative to determine whether or not I am eligible for any benefits. My lawyer informed me that my hearing for disability is another 9 months to a year away so that I should take the SSI interview for now and cross my fingers that it goes through. I have a very small retirement account from my old employer that may render me ineligible for benefits at the moment. And quite frankly, I resent having to "spend up" my hard-earned retirement earnings at a 50% loss simply to obtain the benefits I have previously earned by working. Either way I hope to have more information tomorrow and I'm really hoping that there is some positive news around the corner.

On a brighter note, I'm finally ready to resume Dr. Levine's exercise protocol for POTS and have a hunch that my results will be promising since my symptoms have responded positively to exercise in the past. My laparoscopic appendectomy scars are barely noticeable anymore, in fact they're almost gone! My skin healed very nicely after the surgery and I am pleased that I didn't experience any major complications in the healing process. The surgeon has cleared me to start exercising again at any time! I am glad that nasty old appendix is outta me and extremely thankful that I made it through both the surgery and the recovery successfully!

Let's see...what else have I been up to lately? Still working part time from home although it's a challenge some days I feel like I am finally making some positive progress at work. In my spare time I have been catching up on a lot of shows: Pit Boss, Dance Moms, Teen Mom 2, Revenge, America's Supernanny, Hoarders, Intervention, even a new one called Mud Cats. It's like TLC's Hillbilly HandFishin' but better! There are still a handful of other shows, new and old, that I also intend to catch up on in the near future. I figure vegging out in front of the television will be a nice way to recover from the rigorous exercise my body is about to endure.

I am also hoping that the exercise regime will serve to distract me from my own emotions right now. I have a really hard time trying to wrap my head around the concept of death and the finality of it all. I really need to pour myself into something so that I don't have so much time to think about all the injustices and cruelties in the world. If anything positive came out of this week it is the fact that I appreciate my own family more. My two little cousins are the same age as the two boys that were murdered. Their family will no longer get to play with them or delight in their youthful energy. Although my cousins are rambunctious and have extreme behavioral problems at times, this weekend I found myself able to overlook that and just be thankful for their presence.

Here I sit somberly on the eve of Valentine's Day and I can't help but think that Heaven gained some good ones this week. My great aunt Betty, the young Powell boys and the inimitable Whitney Houston. These losses leave me deeply saddened and I have spent a disproportionate amount of this past week with tears in my eyes. The following song says it all.

I HATE Hospitals!!!

These past few weeks I have spent enough time in the hospital to last a lifetime! I suppose it was necessary to be admitted for a few days when my appendix was removed but I would have really liked to have avoided these last two ER trips. One for strange intense back pain linked to a bladder/kidney infection, one for nausea, vomiting and constipation which happened last night. Upon arriving the triage nurse casually informed me that they had "just lost number two" so I would be getting a room soon. Lovely. From what I gathered from my nurses later she was an old lady who they didn't get a chance to implant a new pacemaker in before she passed on. And I had the privilege of getting sent to the same ER room she passed away in minutes earlier. Something about that just doesn't seem ethical and it certainly gave me the heebie jeebies.

It's not just that I hate hospitals and everything about them. It's the fact that the ER docs always insist on taking more and more blood and repeating the same labs they did a few days prior. Of course they always come back looking pretty good with the exception of slightly low potassium which I can only assume is the result of my excessive water drinking. I also hate how they tell me everything looks good except I'm just a little dehydrated. How on earth, is it humanely possible to be dehydrated when one drinks as much water as I do? I drink more water on a daily basis (and juice, milk, v-8, soy/rice/coconut milk,) than everyone I know does combined. I also NEVER drink coffee or anything caffeinated and yet the doctors and nurses never fail to ask if I drink a lot of coffee because of my high heart rate. The answer is always NO! I never drink coffee and have not even had a sip of it in the past five years. It would be really nice if they started reading my chart. NO I do not do drugs and never have. NO I do not even take any prescription drugs after surgery because I have a high pain tolerance. All I ever take is tylenol. Because that's about the only thing I'm not allergic to.

I am the type of person who has always avoided shows like 'ER,' 'House' and 'Grey's Anatomy' because they are anxiety producing for me. So to have to go to the hospital this much over the past few weeks has been draining not only physically but emotionally. I think I definitely suffer from white-coat syndrome. There's probably no remedy for that except to avoid doctors. Which is what I plan to do now for as long as possible. Wish me luck!

Emergency Surgery!

A few nights ago, one of my biggest fears came true: that I would have to have surgery. After I had my wisdom teeth pulled in '07 and fell sick with POTS, I hoped to never go through another surgery, especially not an emergency one! My stomach has been bothering me big time since a few weeks before Christmas but I figured it was just from finishing up a round of antibiotics for a sinus infection mid-December. The doctor agreed that the antibiotics had simply gotten rid of all the good bacteria in my gut and put me on prilosec and probiotics (neither of which seemed to help at all).

After about a month of eating mild foods and still feeling awful, Thursday morning it got to the point where I couldn't eat or drink anything so I went to Urgent Care where the doctor poked around my stomach and sent me to the hospital for a CT scan of my appendix. The ER doc however, was skeptical of my appendix and thought it might be my gallbladder instead so they did a bunch of bloodwork, an ultrasound of my insides, then an x-ray, and last but not least the CT scan which revealed the problem: my appendix was inflamed and had a stone called a fecolith inside of it.

This actually came as quite a surprise to me because after 7 hours of tests and no food and drink in the ER, a nurse, (the same nurse who told me I had anxiety this summer after my blood pressure was 190/130 from the birth control pill) came in and told me that all my tests looked great but my heart rate was a little high so the doctor would probably come in to talk to me about possible anxiety (she obviously doesn't have a clue about what dysautonomia is!) So boy was I surprised when the doctor came in ten minutes later and told me that he was very concerned about my CT scan and that they needed to operate on my appendix that night and the surgeon would be arriving shortly. My first question was, "Are you kidding? The nurse just told me it was just anxiety!" And then I promptly started crying like a baby and confessed that I was so afraid of surgery because I had been sick ever since having my wisdom teeth pulled.

They did a bit more bloodwork and then whisked me off to meet with my surgeon who seemed very caring and competent. He knew a bit about EDS and realized that he would have to take extra precautions and that the incisions might not heal as quickly as they would in a typical patient. He and the anesthesiologist also asked about my autonomic dysfunction before the procedure. The anesthesiologist joked that she was more nervous than I was so maybe she should knock herself out instead! When I woke up in the OR my abdomen ached a bit but it was my throat that was really burning from the breathing tube they had inserted during the surgery and I was coughing and coughing. Apparently the anesthesiologist didn't give me very much of the drug that dries up secretions because it would have also elevated my heart rate so I was left with a lot of extra phlegm. They gave me three shots of fentanyl before taking me up to my room. Once I got into my bed I felt a little better until I threw up clear liquid all over everyone and all over myself. But my stomach felt way better after that!

My nurses were all very nice and caring and the first nurse I had was especially nice. I received a ton of IV fluids before and after the procedure and a few shots of morphine which didn't help very much and made me feel terrible. The morphine made me hot all over and made my shoulders and joints ache so I didn't take any more of it. I had one vicodin after that and it made me sleepy but didn't take away the pain either. I slept less than an hour total in the hospital after my surgery because of the pain.

Since I've been home I've slept a total of twelve hours though! My body had to catch up on its sleep deficit I guess. I have taken two tylenol since I've been home and think I will be able to get by with the pain okay on just the tylenol. They joked around in the hospital that I must have a pretty high pain tolerance to put up with appendicitis for that long before coming in.

I counted up all the different drugs they gave me in the ER, OR and in my room and added up a total of 12 that I know of. I am a person who hardly takes any pills because I am either allergic to or sensitive to just about everything. Here is the list of things they gave me and their purposes:

-IV Saline for dehyration
-IV Potassium for low blood potassium levels
-IV Protronics for upset stomach
-Oral GI cocktail for upset stomach
-IV Contrast Dye to see appendix in CT Scan
-IV Flagyl antibiotic as a pre-surgery precaution
-IV Fentanyl for immediate post-surgery pain
-IV Morphine for pain during and after surgery
-IV Anxiety right before getting wheeled into OR
-IV drug to dry up secretions before surgery
-General Anesthesia
-Oral Vicodin for pain

So far that's all I am aware of them giving me. I may have received more drugs during surgery that I wasn't aware of but when I get my medical records back for this I will find out.

I am so glad to be back home again. They warned me that the recovery may be slow and painful and to try my best to keep hydrated and keep eating, breathe deep and walk around a little every now and then to keep from getting things like pneumonia during recovery.

They performed the surgery laproscopically so I have three small incisions in my abdomen and they did not use stitches or staples but rather dermabond glue and I am expected to heal normally. I had some bruising the second day but he said that was normal. My abdomen really only hurts badly if I move around or walk. I am supposed to hold a pillow against it for now.

I am really not thrilled that I had to have surgery but I am very lucky that it hadn't ruptured yet or things would be much worse right now. I am lucky that my surgical team was fairly competent and didn't dismiss my existing health issues, in fact they seemed to take them very seriously. I am lucky I had a support system there to help me through it and a nice team of nurses. And I am certainly glad I listened to my body and went to the doctor when I did! For over a month I tried to tough it out at home but doing that any longer would have been a big mistake!

As I go through the recovery process, I hope to get stronger and stronger. What are your experiences with surgery and recovery? How long did it take you to recover? If you have any tips or advice to share it would be much appreciated!

The Dorothy Shoe Project!

Michelle over at Living with Bob came up with a truly brilliant idea: to share her sparkly shoes with the world. Specifically, to share her signature shoes among those of us living with chronic invisible illnesses like dysautonomia. Whether you live in Denmark, Dubai, or anywhere in between, the coveted Dorothy shoes may make their way to your doorstep. If you're interested in participating, simply send a brief email with your name and your country to Rusty.Hoe@thedorothyshoeproject.com.



Can't walk in heels? Can't walk at all? Not a problem. Everyone is entitled to take their turn wearing the shoes. The only stipulation is that you photograph yourself (or your feet!) wearing them in a creative way and share online. Not only will The Dorothy Shoe Project infuse a bit of fun and whimsy into our lives, it is also a beautiful display of solidarity and a unique and I'll bet effective way to spread awareness. Wear them to your doctor's appointment, to the gym, the grocery store, any public place where people may inquire about your ruby heels and what they represent.

Michelle is already one of the coolest women in the world and her latest creation, The Dorothy Shoe Project, pretty much crowns her as Superwoman to those of us in the chronic invisible illness community. So Michelle, this song's for you and all you do. Your blog has already been a life-changer for so many of us and now you're about to change even more lives with The Dorothy Shoe Project. Can't wait to put some new shoes on and pass them along!

Dr. Levine's Exercise Protocol for POTS: The Beginning

Considering it's a new year, what better time to embark on my 3-month exercise journey? Truth be told, I would have loved to have started this protocol about 6 months ago but it was difficult to get a hold of Levine's associates in Texas about the study and by the time I finally got the info from them I was sick again. Now that my awful sinus/ear infection and stomach issues are better, I have started Levine's protocol. So far, so good although I will say 50 consecutive minutes on a recumbent bike with a high heart rate is anything but easy.

Last night I rode just over 18 miles at an average speed of 21 miles per hour, averaged a heart rate of 136 with a peak heart rate of 149, and burnt a total of (only!) 323 calories according to my bike. It seems to me after 18 miles I probably burnt way more calories than that! I have the bike set up in the living room although I find it tough to focus on television while I'm riding. In fact, during intense exercise like that I find it's actually much easier to just shut my eyes as they tend to get really dry when I exercise. Anyone else experience that/know what causes it?

So I strapped on my heart rate monitor and ipod, closed my eyes and went to work. In 50 minutes I managed to listen to a new favorite of mine, Anna Nalick's 'Broken Doll & Odds & Ends.' I am going to use music to motivate me and listen to a different artist each exercise session as 50 minutes is usually long enough to listen to a complete album in its entirety.

Today I am supposed to be doing weight training according to the schedule that Levine's folks created for me. I suppose I should do that soon although I am still tired from yesterday and my knees are a bit sore. I cannot reveal any specifics of the program, but I believe each workout plan is tailored to your individual heart rate so my regime may look different from the next person's anyway.

If you have any interest in trying the program, I would recommend contact Dr. Levine's associates as soon as possible as it may take months before you are accepted into the study to begin. If you test positive for POTS according to a simple 10-minute stand test (much easier than a tilt-table test!) performed and recorded by your doctor in the office, you will most likely be accepted into the study and receive your own customized workout regime and schedule based on your resting and standing heart rates.

I still have a few questions I need to run by Levine's people. For instance, does it matter if I wear compression stockings while exercising? What if I can't get my heart rate up high enough into the zones that I'm supposed to be working in? So far it has been a real challenge for me to even get my heart rate up into the 140's while exercising (I can achieve that hr standing still, no problem, but riding the bike is much harder).

I am going to go do my exercises now before it gets any closer to bedtime. Please let me know if you have any suggestions for music! I will listen to just about anything and enjoy listening to stuff I've never heard before. Going to try to make this exercise journey as painless, fun and interesting as possible. The possibility of feeling better is motivation enough I just think music will help the time go much faster.

For your listening enjoyment, here is one of my favorite Anna Nalick songs, 'Shine.' One of my favorite lyrics is, 'Isn't it time you got over how fragile you are?' It definitely resonated with me for obvious reasons. I'm fragile, but it's up to me to make myself stronger.



I am also interested to hear if anyone has tried Levine's protocol or a different exercise regime and hear about your results, how you felt, what to expect, etc. Wish me luck! I intend to post regular updates about my exercise experiences and progress.

Bygones!

A friend of mine recommended a book to me a few years ago called 'Heal Your Body' by Louise Hay. It is a quick read, a handbook of sorts about the emotional roots of physical ailments and illness. While I am a firm believer that most physical problems are no one's 'fault,' I do believe that a lifetime of negative emotions brewing on the inside can contribute to developing a physical health problem or aggravate an existing one. Many health problems (ulcers, heart attacks, etc) are thought to be closely linked to stress. Whether or not this theory holds any testable scientific validity, it certainly couldn't hurt to let go of negative thoughts and energies that often hold us back in life or keep us stagnating in the same place.

Change is healthy, positive change is of course best. I for one, tend to hold onto and bottle up too many negative feelings and it definitely doesn't do me much good. So this year, I am not going to make a long list of resolutions as I have done in the past. I am simply going to try to achieve one: to let go of all negativity. It will be no easy feat, I am sure. But I have to give it a try. I am tired of feeling victimized by my father and his side of the family. Tired of being dismissed by certain relatives here. And of course, very very tired of dealing with chronic illnesses. I feel like I have lost touch with who I used to be: happy, carefree, independent, energetic, fearless. The old me is still in there somewhere just itching to get out, but I have lost touch with her these past four years. I would love to feel like myself again, physically and emotionally. I may not be able to get my physical health back completely, but I feel like I have at least some control over my own emotional well-being. A big part of that I think, is letting go of all the negative thoughts, letting bygones be bygones and trying to get back in touch with the real me.

What is your greatest goal for the new year? If you could only achieve one, what would it be?

Nutrition and Chronic Illness

As the new year swiftly approaches, many of us resolve to exercise and eat healthier. My usual resolutions, however well-intentioned, rarely endure beyond January. But this year, I am going to make a concerted effort to really pay attention to what I eat. My biggest problem is absent-minded eating. That is, stuffing my face with random foods without regard to their real nutritional value. I am not a calorie-counter and my objective is not to lose weight but simply to nourish my body with more whole, less processed foods. I will also be aiming to achieve a more 'balanced' diet by consuming a wider variety of foods.

That said, I am thrilled to welcome my first guest blogger, Melanie Bowen, to Defying Gravity. Melanie is an awareness advocate for natural health and holistic therapies for cancer patients. You will often find her highlighting the great benefits of different nutritional, emotional, and physical treatments on those with illness in her efforts to increase attentiveness and responsiveness on like topics. Thank you, Melanie, for reminding us that every illness, whether terminal or chronic, deserves special attention when it comes to nutrition.



Nutrition and Chronic Illness

Good nutrition is essential to preventing chronic illnesses such as cancer or kidney disease. However, if you already suffer from one of these chronic illnesses, nutrition is even more important. Eating properly can help offset the negative effects of treatments for your disease and give you more energy to complete daily tasks. In some cases, it can even increase your life expectancy to change your diet. Thus, eating balanced meals should be part of your disease management program.



Nutrition is an important issue for people who suffer from chronic illnesses and cancers. Cancer can rob the body of the ability to digest vitamins, protein and other nutrients correctly from food, so that cancer patients often lose weight and become weak even when they're eating properly. For this reason, nutritional supplements such as vitamins or calcium pills are an important part of a cancer patient's treatment plan. This is especially important for patients who are taking chemotherapy treatments or other aggressive cancer treatments. These treatments can make patients nauseous, negatively affect appetite and leave patients feeling weak. However, nutritional supplements in combination with healthy foods can help alleviate many of these symptoms. Eating regularly and getting enough nutrition can eliminate nausea and give cancer patients more energy. Simply relieving the feeling of being sick all the time can help patients lead higher quality lives, as they will be able to socialize with friends and do some of their regular activities once they get the nausea under control and develop some energy again. 



Nutrition is also important if you have a chronic illness rather than a terminal illness. Diabetes and hypertension are two such illnesses that can benefit from diet. Patients who suffer from these diseases often become dependent on medication to keep symptoms under control. However, medication has side effects, so not all patients can tolerate medication. In addition, changing one’s diet can reverse the effects of some chronic illnesses. People who suffer from Type 2 Diabetes can often successfully manage their illness by changing their diet. As the person's blood sugar level goes down to a normal level, she'll have more energy; in addition some symptoms, such as blurred vision, will disappear altogether. Diabetes patients who handle their disease through diet and nutrition often feel healthier overall and lose excess weight that can contribute to feeling sluggish as well as to having the condition.



It's fairly easy to make nutritional changes to help manage your chronic or terminal illness. Talking to a dietician or nutritionist at the hospital where you take your treatments can point you in the right direction. You can gradually add some nutritional supplements or make changes to your diet to regain the energy, happiness and hope you need to live a longer and higher quality life.

Bah Humbug!

The title of this blog post says it all. This year the holidays have been a bit lackluster for me to say the least. Today I definitely reached my boiling point. I have been too busy getting taken advantage of by my employer lately to enjoy much of anything. The reason I work a part time work-from-home job is because that's all I can do health-wise without being able to drive or work a regular predictable schedule. Unfortunately most employers equate working from home with being at their beck and call all hours of the day and night. I have spent a full 30 hours on my contract position this week (I only get paid for 15 hours) making calls because apparently all I am is a glorified telemarketer (+webmaster, +social media guru, +graphic designer, +full-fledged ad agency). All they really want me to do is sell, sell, sell memberships (plus fulfill all of my other roles perfectly each week with only 15 hours to do it in). I am at my wits end. When I obtained this position a few months back part of me wondered if having a stable work-from-home position was too good to be true and that the stability part was some sort of mirage...well turns out it may be. I am not sure how much longer I will last if I don't sell enough memberships. Either I will get fired or I will quit because talking on the phone this much every week has been wreaking havoc on my jaw which I had finally gotten calmed down until a few weeks ago. Now it's back into another painful TMJ flare-up from all the talking I've been doing when I'm supposed to be resting it.

You may be wondering what prompted all my recent telemarketing efforts. My supervisor had a very "serious" conversation with me about the lack of members I've been bringing in and basically gave me a warning that I need to bring in more members or else she will have to step in and do my job for me and collect the pay for it as well (leaving me out of a job completely). The worst part about this serious conversation is that she talked down to me in a very condescending way and I simply took it and said "I understand, I understand," repeatedly instead of standing up for myself and asking her not to speak to me that way all because I am so desperate to have a job for the income it brings in even though this is clearly the wrong job. It is so tough to be focusing every last ounce of energy I can muster up on a job where my efforts aren't even appreciated.

As you may know, my disability application is currently being processed. So I am trying my best to hang on to this job until then otherwise I will have no income whatsoever. So frustrating. Being sick is hard enough. But being sick and having to worry about finances is a predicament many chronically ill people are all too familiar with. I think it's ridiculous that we live in a country where we have to work so hard and wait tirelessly for months if not years to "prove" our rare, chronic and debilitating illnesses to the government so that they can dole out a a small stipend that enables the disabled to live below the poverty level and have to scrounge for every dime while they spend billions on wars overseas. The priorities of most politicians are severely skewed in my book.

I am sure this is an incredibly whiny and pathetic blog post for which I apologize. I am sure many of you can relate or know someone who is much worse off. The thing that has been adding insult to injury today is the fact that I did not receive an invitation to my cousin's wedding. The invitations were all sent out last week and I did not receive one. Although my cousin has grown into a beligerent, selfish alcholic in recent years, we still grew up together, and I never realized it until now that he apparently couldn't stand me. Or maybe its that he knows I won't buy him an expensive enough gift for his taste so he didn't bother to send me an invitation. I have always tried to include him in everything, always remembered him on Christmases and birthdays (although he has never remembered mine, or anyone else's for that matter). He shows up to my grandparent's house on Christmas day every year for about twenty minutes simply to collect his gifts without ever thanking anyone or bringing as much as a card to my grandparents who have always gone above and beyond for him his whole life. This is where his selfishness comes into play. Sure, maybe not everyone is generous by nature, but come on. He could do SOMETHING for them, ONCE IN AWHILE. I am not sure why he couldn't spare a couple bucks for a card or a box of candy to show his gratitude to them. He appears ungrateful for all the things our family has done for him. Growing up he had cars and cash thrown at him even though he was somewhat of a juvenile delinquent who dropped out of school. Yet somehow he lucked out and makes more money than anyone in the family although he didn't ever graduate high school. There is simply no excuse for him not to bring a card or candy to our grandparents on Christmas. But he never does. That kid disgusts me. He is 27 years old and should certainly know better by now. The sad thing is, his fiancee isn't much better in the social graces department.

Needless to say I have written them both off for now and trying my best not to take things to heart but it still doesn't change the fact that being snubbed by my own flesh and blood was hurtful and the damage has already been done. I am way too sensitive about things like this and unhealthily internalize my emotions but the truth is I have always felt like an outsider in my own family. At times I feel as if I'm adopted or something because some of my relatives don't treat me like family, especially since getting sick. It should certainly make for an awkward holiday if my cousin and his fiancee decide to show their faces at my grandparents house expecting their gifts like usual. It makes me sick to my stomach. If they show up I will have to go for a walk so I don't say something out of line, (even though they would have it coming!) At the end of the day I suppose I care way too much about what other people think of me and that gives them power over me. It truly is a waste of my energies to be focusing on this right now, I just can't help but have hurt feelings over this though. How much is enough? Times like this I wish I could distance myself from everyone and everything and check into a spa for a week or two...heck, maybe never check out. Find a way to live at a spa. Then my problems would be dissolved. Or at least easier to cope with. Next year my Christmas present to myself is going to be a guilt-free week at a spa.

Gift Ideas for POTS/EDS Patients

'Tis the season for consumerism. I don't know about you, but I appreciate useful gifts that help improve my quality of life. Here are a few products I recommend without reservation, either for yourself or someone else who suffers from POTS and/or EDS.

Splurges:

1) Apple MacBook Pro. Powerful enough to do just about anything, with a large, clear screen for entertainment. Portable enough to take to bed with you. The only computer you'll ever need. Mine ran efficiently for nearly 8 years after withstanding four years of overuse and abuse at university. At $2400, it's an investment, but one that is sure not to disappoint.

2) KitchenAid Stand Mixer. The gold standard in baking equipment. Save your energy (and your joints) while baking with this lovely, durable mixer. Another investment for the long haul at $250 but I promise you'll get your money's worth out of it.

3) Ugg boots. Yes some may argue that Uggs are ugly. In fact I used to think so myself. But that was before I owned a pair! I have had mine for 6 years now and they are without a doubt the comfiest, warmest footwear I own. My feet are chronically cold, but not in my uggs. And they have really gotten a tad more stylish over the years as well. Price varies.

4) Recumbent Stationary Bicycle. Although I am not thrilled with the brand I purchased, my neighbor has a pricier model in a different brand, XTerra which I love. It is much sturdier with a much smoother ride, the Rolls Royce of recumbent bikes. She purchased it at Costco for just under $800. The convenience of having one at home means I am more apt to ride it and can't use the 'I don't feel like going to the gym' excuse.

5) A Tempurpedic Mattress. Perhaps the single best investment a POTS/EDS patient can make to improve their quality of life. Do not purchase a new mattress impulsively though. Make sure you take the time to do your research and test different models out before committing to one. A comfy mattress can make a world of difference in alleviating aches and pains and helping you achieve more restful, restorative sleep. Something we could all use a bit more of! Price varies.

Steals:

1) Hot Water Bottle $10

2) Homedics Mini Massager $10

3) Omni Mini Massage Roller $10

4) Omron Heart Rate Monitor $35

5) Plantronics Cordless Phone Headset $10