At the end of the day, I still want to help people, somehow, someway. May sound crazy I realize, since most days I can barely help myself. But lately I have been contemplating going to grad school online to pursue a master's degree in counseling. It would be a two-year online program that would include 2 or 3 in person residencies and at least one 100-hour practicum and a recommended internship working with patients in a clinical or office environment. The catch is I'm not too confident about taking out the large loans it will take to finance this educational endeavor. With dysautonomia, nearly every big decision we make is a gamble. Especially the ones that require this level of long-term planning.
In a perfect world, I would be able to earn my master's degree and continue to work on my health with the hope that it will improve over the next two years so I can start a fulfilling career where I get to help people again (while sitting down of course). Maybe even get to help others suffering from chronic illnesses. I know several therapists who only work about 20 hours per week and still make a full-time salary because they are paid well and it is an in-demand profession right now. However, the risk I run by getting another degree is that it will become yet another useless piece of paper if my health deteriorates any further because then I will not be able to work at all. And not be able to repay the exorbitant student loan rates either. In a nutshell, I'm scared. Too scared to make such a huge and life-altering decision on my own. To tell you the truth I am never sure if I should be applying for disability or graduate school. Seems like I am semi-coherent every other day and those are my "good days." On those days, I tell myself I can do anything if I put my mind to it. But then reality sets in the next day when I can't get out of bed again. And this cycle continues to repeat with randomly striking symptoms. I do my best to avoid my triggers (standing, heat, caffeine, etc) but even then, symptoms seem to strike at random. Of course as we all know all too well this unpredictability is not really conducive to having any sort of "normal" life, so I have been trying to find ways to adapt whether it is changing my profession or changing my outlook.
It seems like this whole blog post reads like a convoluted pros and cons list. I realize that this whole grad school thing is ultimately up to me, but does anyone want to weigh in on the issue? Feels like a major gamble but I guess there is little reward without the risk. To those of you who have pursued or are currently pursuing higher education, is it worth it with chronic illness? Do you regret getting a degree or was it worth every penny? And perhaps most importantly, how have your lenders treated you when it comes to repaying those pesky student loans? I welcome your perspectives. And if you have any ideas of other things I can do with my existing communications degree, please let me know, I am open to any and all suggestions!