At the end of the day, I still want to help people, somehow, someway. May sound crazy I realize, since most days I can barely help myself. But lately I have been contemplating going to grad school online to pursue a master's degree in counseling. It would be a two-year online program that would include 2 or 3 in person residencies and at least one 100-hour practicum and a recommended internship working with patients in a clinical or office environment. The catch is I'm not too confident about taking out the large loans it will take to finance this educational endeavor. With dysautonomia, nearly every big decision we make is a gamble. Especially the ones that require this level of long-term planning.
In a perfect world, I would be able to earn my master's degree and continue to work on my health with the hope that it will improve over the next two years so I can start a fulfilling career where I get to help people again (while sitting down of course). Maybe even get to help others suffering from chronic illnesses. I know several therapists who only work about 20 hours per week and still make a full-time salary because they are paid well and it is an in-demand profession right now. However, the risk I run by getting another degree is that it will become yet another useless piece of paper if my health deteriorates any further because then I will not be able to work at all. And not be able to repay the exorbitant student loan rates either. In a nutshell, I'm scared. Too scared to make such a huge and life-altering decision on my own. To tell you the truth I am never sure if I should be applying for disability or graduate school. Seems like I am semi-coherent every other day and those are my "good days." On those days, I tell myself I can do anything if I put my mind to it. But then reality sets in the next day when I can't get out of bed again. And this cycle continues to repeat with randomly striking symptoms. I do my best to avoid my triggers (standing, heat, caffeine, etc) but even then, symptoms seem to strike at random. Of course as we all know all too well this unpredictability is not really conducive to having any sort of "normal" life, so I have been trying to find ways to adapt whether it is changing my profession or changing my outlook.
It seems like this whole blog post reads like a convoluted pros and cons list. I realize that this whole grad school thing is ultimately up to me, but does anyone want to weigh in on the issue? Feels like a major gamble but I guess there is little reward without the risk. To those of you who have pursued or are currently pursuing higher education, is it worth it with chronic illness? Do you regret getting a degree or was it worth every penny? And perhaps most importantly, how have your lenders treated you when it comes to repaying those pesky student loans? I welcome your perspectives. And if you have any ideas of other things I can do with my existing communications degree, please let me know, I am open to any and all suggestions!
I need to think more about this to give you a more coherent answer as it's one of those heavy brain fog days. I love that you want to pursue counselling. I loved my job as a psychologist and miss it dearly. I would say it is very intensive work and requires you to be on the ball at all times. Not trying to dissuade you but more to give you a heads up. One thing I would suggest, and something I did myself when I was first thinking about psychology as a career, was to volunteer for Lifeline, a phone counselling service. It gave me a great insight into the counselling/psychology sphere. You get training in the basics and a lot of support. It may be a good way for you to suss out what is involved in even the most basic level of counselling (mind you talking someone out of suicide is not basic level stuff, but rewarding). I did that for quite a while. I also was a volunteer counselor for the Alzheimer's Association, which actually sent me down the path of geriatrics which I loved. I know other people who volunteered at outreach programs and other social support centers pre uni. They are a great way to begin in the area and wet your feet. They may also clarify if it is what you want to do and give you an idea of not only the hours but also the emotional an physical toll of the work. I have a friend that I did post grad with who decided to go into research after her practical placements. I realise reading this back that I probably sound like I'm trying to talk it down, but I'm not, as I said I loved it and miss it. It's a very worthwhile career path and was very satisfying and I would certainly encourage you to pursue it if it all comes together financially and physically.
ReplyDeleteMichelle, brain fog or not that is actually a very brilliant idea! I think I will pursue a little volunteer work to see if I can handle it emotionally. I think my passion lies in working with people rather than on the research side. There are a few nursing homes and an alzheimer's facility quite close to me so maybe I will volunteer there a few hours a week and see how it goes. However the Lifeline idea is also intriguing and I'm sure we have some kind of equivalent here in the states. Having the life experiences I've had I think counselling people with chronic illness might be a specialty I want to pursue. Thanks so much for the input, great suggestions! :)
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